Forgiving Yourself for the Choices You Made When You Didn’t Know Better

There is a weight we carry that no one else can see.

It’s not always what was done to us.

Sometimes, it’s what we did.

The choices we made.

The red flags we ignored.

The people we stayed with.

The things we said.

The things we didn’t say.

And long after everyone else has moved on, we are still quietly punishing ourselves.

Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest forms of healing.

Because you can’t walk away from you.

You Made the Best Choice You Could With What You Knew Then

We judge our past selves with the wisdom of who we are now.

But that’s unfair.

You made decisions from the version of you that existed at that time.

The version that was scared.

The version that was lonely.

The version that was trying to survive.

The version that didn’t have the tools you have now

.The version that simply didn’t know better yet.

Growth creates clarity.

Clarity can create regret.

But regret doesn’t mean you were foolish.

It means you’ve evolved.

The Shame Loop

When we replay old choices, it sounds like this:

“How could I not see it?”“Why did I stay?”“I should have known.”“I ruined everything.”“I wasted years.”

That inner voice can be brutal.

But shame keeps you stuck in the past. Compassion moves you forward.

If your daughter, your friend, or someone you loved had made the same choice, would you speak to them the way you speak to yourself?

Probably not.

So why do you deserve less grace?

Survival Decisions Are Not Character Flaws

Sometimes you chose stability over happiness.

Sometimes you chose peace over confrontation.

Sometimes you chose attachment over loneliness.

Sometimes you chose silence because speaking felt unsafe.

Those were survival decisions.

And survival decisions are not weaknesses.

They are proof that you were trying to cope the best way you knew how.

You cannot shame yourself into becoming a healthier version.

You can only love yourself into it.

Forgiveness Is Not Denial

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt.

It doesn’t mean ignoring consequences.

It doesn’t mean avoiding accountability.

It means acknowledging:

"Yes, I made that choice.”

“Yes, it affected me.”

“Yes, I would do it differently now.”

And then choosing not to chain yourself to it forever.

Accountability is healthy.

Self-punishment is not.

You Are Allowed to Outgrow Your Past

There is something powerful about saying:

“That was me. But it is not who I am now.”

You are not defined by the relationship you stayed in.

You are not defined by the job you tolerated.

You are not defined by the warning signs you missed.

You are not defined by the years you feel you lost.

You are not defined by the mistakes you made while learning.

You are defined by what you learned.

By how you grew.

By how you chose differently after.

Growth rewrites the narrative.

The Freedom of Self-Forgiveness

When you forgive yourself, you stop replaying the same memory at night.

You stop introducing yourself through your mistakes.

You stop feeling like you owe the world constant repayment.

You stop believing you deserve less because of past choices.

You begin to feel lighter.

Not because the past disappears,But because it no longer owns you.

If you knew then what you know now, you would have chosen differently.

But you didn’t know then.

And that matters.

You were learning.

You were surviving.

You were becoming.

Forgive the woman who didn’t know.

Honour the woman who now does.

And allow the woman you are becoming to walk forward without shame.

You are allowed to say:

“I did the best I could.”

“And I am doing better now.”

And that is enough.

🤍