Life After Divorce: Why do I feel this way?

By Cindy Thompson

So the divorce eventually came through.

I wanted it so badly—

but I don't feel happy or content.

So many people have divorce parties, they want to go out and celebrate,

and here I am—

sitting lonely and empty.

Still confused by everything that happened.

I'm divorced,

but still tied to him by our children.

So it doesn't feel real.

I'm divorced—

but I still feel scared.

Scared because of the things he used to do when we were married.

I still wake up with anxiety and panic attacks.

Shouldn't they go away after divorce?

I still hear his words echoing in my brain:

You're not good enough.

You’ll never make me happy.

But I am divorced—

shouldn't those words stop now?

I still see the questioning looks from people,

wondering why we really got divorced—

because of course,

a very different picture was painted

to all our friends and family.

A picture only he knows how to paint so well.

Bumping into friends who heard about the divorce,

they always say the strangest things:

"I'm so sorry to hear about the divorce, Steve was always such a good husband."

The plain audacity—

that you couldn’t see,

that you didn’t want to see

what was happening to me.

Family say things like:

"Don’t make the same mistake and get married again."

What does that even mean?

Why do you feel the need to say something like that?

I’m trying to pick up the pieces,

but every time I lift one,

it feels like he still has control.

The divorce is final.

I should feel free.

But instead I feel trapped—

like a bird set free from its cage,

but with its wings cut.

It can't fly far.

Again,

I’m divorced.

I should feel happy.

But I don’t.

I feel more judged than I’ve ever felt before.

More triggered than I’ve ever been.

You also learn to silence the outside noise.

Because you know why you got divorced.

No one else lived in your shoes.

No one else truly knows

what happened behind closed doors.

You must come to peace with the understanding

that only you will ever fully know the truth.

And that’s enough.

And then you learn the hard truth—

that the people you thought had your back

never really did.

They slowly start fizzing out of your life.

And you learn—

that's a good thing.

You stop seeing the world in black and white.

You start seeing the colour slowly creep in.

Step by step,

you begin to love yourself again.

And the words that used to cripple you?

They become faint memories.

It takes time.

And you need to be patient with yourself.

Healing takes time—

and that’s okay.

Then, one day,

you might find love again.

And it can be daunting—

because you still carry the memories

of what your ex did to you.

You start to believe every man is the same.

But he’s not.

And not everyone is like him.

You begin a new chapter.

You start to believe in love again.

Because you deserve it.

You deserve to be loved

the way you want to be loved.

It’s a daunting journey—

but a beautiful one.

Waking up in the morning,

you start to realise:

You’re not scared.

You can brush your teeth,

listen to music,

dance how you want

without hearing how stupid you are.

The realisation creeps in—

and you feel the warmth in your heart growing.

The feeling of realising:

Yes, you are divorced.

And you are finally you.

To anyone struggling:

just know it does get easier.

The hard days are hard—

and it will feel like they never end.

But they do.

You’ve got this.

To everyone who has gotten divorced:

I see you.

I understand what you went through.

I support you.

Know with me,

you will never have to walk the journey alone.